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Ask the Psychologist: Gus Appignanesi, M.A
Gus Appignanesi is a clinical psychologist working with children and their families for over 25 years.
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QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
ANSWERS

I have a 16 year old son and he is very quiet. A lot of people make comments and his grandparents are always saying does he talk. He is quiet and does not project his voice. The answers are yes, know ,shug the sholders, does not smile a lot. He even looks likes he is having anxiety attacks at times-even though he would probably not be aware nor have I told him. He recently did get a host job in a restaurant and the lady who hired him was one of my friends and she has said he really needs to work on being more bubbly. I think it is a good opportunity for him to work on this but in the meantime what if he loses his job and well even feels worse. I just want to help - so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Temperament is always hard to judge. Some people are just more quiet and aloof than others. However, he should consult with a psychologist to rule out any self-esteem or self-confidence issues he may have about himself. He may require some social skill training or adjust to any personal issues he may have.....regardless he will know himself better.

My six year old grandson has been diagnosed as adhd(his father and grandfather were too)He absolutely refuses to have a bowel movent on the toilet. We've tried many things but nothing seems to help. It's pretty gross sometimes. I often have to clean the carpet,bedclothes,etc just to get the odor out of them,He doesn't soil them but the odor leaks through.The smell sometimes is all through the house.Do you have any idea how we can help him?

These type of issues can be complicated and delicate. I would suggest a psychologist with a behavioral background. Unless there are any other underlying issues, a behavioral program working through a series of small positive progressive steps should change your child's toilet habits. The approach must be sensitive, slow and most importantly positive. Any anger or frustration will only continue to delay his progress. The ADD in itself should not a direct factor in toilet training habits.

I have a 12year old son, who has a hard time expressing himself, or talking with me or anyone else. A few days ago he heard me and my partner making love, at the time which was very late in the evening, he barged into my room, and opened the door, we were very surprised, I tried to talk to him about this matter her was very angry, and upset about what had occured, i tried to tell him that what he did was disrespectful to of opened my door without knocking, and he would have a consequence for this, this has happened in the past a few times, what can i do to stop this, and what would be a fair one, or what else can i do to help him overcome this issue.

Your son probably has problems expressing, because he may be harboring some negative feelings that he just cannot get out at this time in his life. Some children just have more difficulty in opening up about their feelings. In this particular situation, you need to talk to him about how he feels about your partner, his understanding of sex and privacy and not to make him feel bad about his actions, but why they are inappropriate and how opening the door makes you and partner feel. You may have to get a lock on your door, if the latter does not work. Are there any other issues for son related to your break-up from his biological father?


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