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Ask the Psychologist: Gus Appignanesi, M.A
Gus Appignanesi is a clinical psychologist working with children and their families for over 25 years.
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	My 15 yr old daughter is very intelligent. She plays sports, currently volleyball. She is not as talented as some of the other players and the coach tends to focus on the more talented players. My daughter claims that the other team members are her friends on and off the court but some strange behavior happens during practice time and game time. She does start in every game. She says her teammates show enthusiasm for everyones achievements on the team except for hers. They seldom to never cheer for her. She also says no one ever asks her to warm up with them and she has to go find someone to bump with her. The other players seem to avoid her. She says they all gossip about the other players but she does not participate in gossip. The coach is not helping because he fails to treat everyone equally on the team. She also says that when the team is together and they are all talking and laughing about things everyone just stares at her if she joins in with co! mments. To me, she is just like all the other girls. Why does this situation exist and keep happening to my daughter? Help!
	I have a question regarding visitation in divorce. To provide a brief background, my wife and I split a little over a year ago. It was not amicable, and involved another woman - but was not based on sexual adventurism, but rather a long standing failure of communication between us. We have a child of 7. For the past year, I have visited her at my wife's home on a regular basis, two week nights and one weekend day. My girlfriend and I have a serious relationship and have discussed marriage. I would like to have my little girl for overnight visits. She would not be exposed to anything prurient, and she would have her own room. My wife is against it, saying that my gorlfriend and I would set a bad example for our girl as we are not married, and that she would be hurt by seeing her dad with another. My daughter already knows that her mom and dad have split up, that her dad lives with a girlfriend, and that that girlfriend is important to her dad. My question is, when and if my daughter should be allowed overnight visits? Will visiting me overnight be harmful? More harmful than keeping her at arms length from her father? Should she be sheltered from the reality of this situation? For how long? Is my wife exhibiting signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome, or am I kidding myself?
	How can i teach my child to be more tolerent. How can I teach her to be secure about her skills beliefs and values? From reading your article in parent and child, I suspect she has a poor sense of self. She has all of the article..she thinks she' is stupid ..and is not. She can accomplish allmost anthing but ...She doesn't try hard..She seems to limit her opportunities. She might be starting to fall behind her pears creating this prophecy. She has a problem with respect...i have older children one who is a msw and says I am the blame and has been spoiled and really never had any consequences for her behavior. Her father passed away 9 yrs ago and she is now 14... She has been suspended because she talked back to her teachers. But since the suspention she has been better. How can I teach her to be secure about her skills, beliefs and values? She is vary atheletic, swim team, life guard, track..but all of this went on hold because of not studying and failing! She has a problem with realizing that school is important. What can you recommend for me to grasp this now and put her on the right track?
	I have a daughter of 7 years of age who is a perfectionist. The problem with this is that it has impeded her desire to try anything where she does not feel she will succeed. She also backs off from anything the minute the word competition is uttered. I have a 10 year old son who is great atnsports but we never compare them. We make sure to emphasize what she is good at and what he is good at. We also often remind her that failing or losing at something is also a valuable lesson, that one learns from ones mistake and there is nothing to be ashamed of. How doo we encourage her to try things and not be so worried of failure?
	What can a parent do to make a child listen to them?
	What are some natural consequences to not listening?
	What can a parent do when their child is upset?
	My 5 year old son is a busy and very inquisitive boy. As well, he is very bright and articulate. Unfornately, he has difficulty sitting and finishing tasks in school. His kindergarten teachers are now using a rewards sticker program, but I am not sure this will work. I am convinced that by the time he gets to Grade 1, they will request to put him on some kind of drug. I think he may be bored. Any advice?
	What are the characteristics of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) in children?
	How does one diagnosis Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) in children?
	Can ADD be confused with other problems?
	What is the difference between ADD and ADHD?
	What are some good tips on handling homework problems?
	What can I do when my child does not respond to my requests?
	What are good consequences?
	What is the difference between consequences and punishment?
	How can parents reduce some effects of divorce on children?
	What are some of the issues surrounding blended families?

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