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The Resource Guide for Children's Products and Services


	Ask the Psychologist: Gus Appignanesi, M.A Gus Appignanesi is a clinical psychologist working with children and their families for over 25 years. Click here for Q & A section! Click here to Ask the Expert!

Q: I have a 16 year old son and he is very quiet. A lot of people make comments and his grandparents are always saying does he talk. He is quiet and does not project his voice. The answers are yes, know ,shrug the shoulders, does not smile a lot. He even looks likes he is having anxiety attacks at times-even though he would probably not be aware nor have I told him. He recently did get a host job in a restaurant and the lady who hired him was one of my friends and she has said he really needs to work on being more bubbly. I think it is a good opportunity for him to work on this but in the meantime what if he loses his job and well even feels worse. I just want to help - so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. (click for answer)

Q: My six year old grandson has been diagnosed as adhd (his father and grandfather were too) He absolutely refuses to have a bowel movement on the toilet. We've tried many things but nothing seems to help. It's pretty gross sometimes. I often have to clean the carpet, bed clothes, etc just to get the odor out of them, He doesn't soil them but the odor leaks through. The smell sometimes is all through the house. Do you have any idea how we can help him? (click for answer)

Q: I have a 12 year old son, who has a hard time expressing himself, or talking with me or anyone else. A few days ago he heard me and my partner making love, at the time which was very late in the evening, he barged into my room, and opened the door, we were very surprised, I tried to talk to him about this matter her was very angry, and upset about what had occurred, i tried to tell him that what he did was disrespectful to of opened my door without knocking, and he would have a consequence for this, this has happened in the past a few times, what can i do to stop this, and what would be a fair one, or what else can i do to help him overcome this issue. (click for answer)

Q: I have some concerns regarding my boyfriend's 10 year-old son (who lives with us). He constantly gets into bed with us during the night
or in the early morning. I do not like this at all. Morally I think he is
too old to be in bed with us as he has started becoming increasingly sexually inquisitive (such as why do some women have larger breasts than others).

Also I find it extremely difficult to sleep with him there as I am a light
sleeper and he is very mobile, a heavy breather, and a talker in his
sleep.

I have expressed my feelings to his father (my boyfriend) but he just
lets him get in the bed. I don't want to get mad at his son (I don't feel its his fault entirely) but I don't want to make my boyfriend feel as though I'm questioning his parenting abilities. Also, I don't know if these problems are related or not but he also sucks his thumb and does not wipe himself properly after a bowel movement (his underwear often have stains of them).
Are these signs of! some kind of developmental problem? Or is he being "babied" too much? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (click for answer)

Q: My 12 year old daughter seems to take on the personality of her best friend at the time. She has a friend now who seems to be a bad influence and I do not like the person that my daughter is becoming. I am wondering why she is doing it and how I should best handle the situation. It is hard to tell your daughter not to be friends with this person. Children have such strong peer pressure at this age. HELP!!!!!! (click for answer)

What can I say to my husband when he gets angry because our 5 year old daughter won't always hug or kiss him on command? He thinks I should punish her because he thinks she is being disrespectful. They have a good relationship and she is a very loving child. Sometimes she just doesn't want a hug or kiss. Maybe she just woke up from a nap and she's cranky or he's not been home for a while and he insists that she kiss him Goodbye or Hello and she says no. He gets angry at both her and me and now he has decided that the way to get her to do it is show her the "consequence" of her behavior by ignoring her and not being nice to her. Help. (click for answer)

Q: I have a six year old son that lies constantly, even about things we catch him doing. We've told him that he wouldn't be in trouble is he just tells the truth and he still lies. I've tried everything that I can think of to get him to quit and nothing has worked. (click for answer)

Q: We are in the third week of school and my son's teacher is already telling me that she is concerned. She says that he will not sit still, that it takes him days to complete assignments. He also had these problems last year and it was told to me that he might have ADD. I hoped that it was a matter of maturity, even though there have been a lot of times that I am left thinking.... What is this kid thinking? He is very smart and so I thought it was a matter of maturity. anyways... I want to have him tested. I do not know where to do this. Would you please let me know the best way to go about getting him tested and if I should go thru the school or a physician. Thank you. (click for answer)

Q: My husband and I have a beautiful one month old baby girl. I love being a mom to my baby, but it bothers me that she stares at my husband so much and looks at me so little. When my husband holds her or changes her diaper, she'll stare into his eyes the entire time he has her, never taking her eyes off of him. When I hold her, she'll look at me briefly and then look away, like she's avoiding eye contact with me. If my husband and I stand over her crib together, she doesn't even notice me. If I'm holding her and he says something, she'll turn in his direction. She never does that when she hears my voice. I'm a stay at home mom and with her during the day and at night. Did I do something to cause her to reject me? (click for answer)

Q: My 11 year old son has eating anxiety, or something.

He was ok eating soft foods and when he was around 6 months and we started some 3rd stage baby food (with some solids in it), he would always gag and choke.

Eventually we gave up with that type of food, and ate a lot of oatmeal, etc.

Over the years he's started eating pizza, french fries, chicken
nuggets, fish sticks, toast, grilled cheese, chips, cookies, pretzels.

He's not one for ice cream, cake, pie, pudding, Jell-O.

Anyway, we are trying now to get him to eat other foods, and the anxiety over just trying other foods gets him hysterically running away and crying. He's even said he's going to kill himself!

What kind of problem is this and who on earth should we look for to help him? (click for answer)

Q: Hello, I have an 11 year old daughter who has a learning disability. She is going to a specialized school (Vanguard School). She takes Ritalin. I am divorced and Julia my daughter lives with me and sees her father every second weekend, but speaks to him every day.

Now that you know a little about Julia, I need your advice on something. Julia is a child that does what she wants when she wants. Ever since she was able to speak she keeps saying that she is a boy and she will only wear boy clothes, and all her friends are boys. She wants to have a friend over this weekend and all week she has been unpleasant, meaning she would not take a shower, she would not get up when told in the morning, she gave me a hard time all week.

This morning before I dropped her off to school she gave me a hug and kiss and told me she loved me but I don't know what to do... is she manipulating me? This happens all the time, she does what she wants all week and the day before the weekend , she is very nice, so she can have friends over.

Should I call off the friends weekend this weekend? What do I do???? Please help me???? (click for answer)

Q: I am sick of society and traditions placing a higher value on blood relations. I am an 18 year old who has dated the same person for 4.5 years now. My 21 year old boyfriend can't seem to get close to me because his family doesn't allow him to. His mother shares a very weak emotional tie with her husband, so she clings to my boyfriend (her son) and expects him to act almost like a father figure to his brother (who is 10 years old). Her husband just works all day.

I didn't know all this entering the relationship, but now when I'm too close to him to imagine even living a day without having to hear his voice.. if that'd happen, I'd break down. I can't even begin to describe how badly I need him emotionally.

He loves me greatly too, but his family and society (particularly, the media) brainwashes him with subliminal messages which give him no other choice than to always chose his family over me. For example, just recently he spent at least 4 hours getting his dearest brother a nice video-game set, but because he was so wrapped up with that, he TOTALLY forgot about getting a gift for me. On the other hand, I spent 5 hours hand-stitching a pillow with our names on it.

Can you please explain to me why there is a "Mother's Day", "Father's Day", but not a "Wife's Day"? Not a "Husband's Day"? Can someone please explain to me why there are numerous websites dedicated to how mothers are so wonderful, but only five or six dedicated to wives?

I know if I marry him, I wouldn't be able to chose between him and our child because I'll love them both dearly and equally. But I know I won't get the same in return - I'll be #2 in line because he's brainwashed by society and has "learned" that "blood is thicker than water" - and I know that will kill me from within.

Please give me your input. I'm quite desperate. thank you very very very much. (click for answer)

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